What Silence Taught Me In My Marriage

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“Silence isn’t empty.

It’s full of answers.”

-anonymous

 

How many of us woman keep quiet?

 

Every relationship struggles from time to time.

It’s nothing to be ashamed about.

 

All relationships are rollercoasters.

But on those down times…

how many of us stay quiet?

 

That’s right, quiet.

Do you bite your tongue or

add fuel to the fire?

 

 

If you’re anything like me,

(which I know a lot of women are)

I don’t keep quiet! 

 

 

I guess I’m not even fully aware of it.
But when we are not the happiest of

people around each other.

I make everything a big deal.

The blanket on the floor…

and it’s on.

“Why is this clean blanket on the floor, KEVIN!”

 

///////////////

 

 

I’ll be the first to admit.

I guess I do it because I want to get a reaction.

I get mad at the blanket being on the floor,

so that we can argue about it, then I can

slowly incorporate what we argued about

the other day that we didn’t finish! Haha.

 

Trust me, I know this is wrong.

Of course I don’t go overboard.

But it is strategize.

 

 

How about when us women start feeling neglected, unimportant or lonely?

Do you let them know?

Or do you bottle it up and blow up?

Or do you let them know and bottle it up AND blow up?

 

Either way.

 

/////////////////////

 

 

Let me tell you what happened to me.

 

My fiancé is a very dedicated entrepreneur.

I say dedicated because he will do whatever

it takes to make something work.

 

That includes, early morning to late nights.

Calls, texting and email during family time.

What family time?

 

Can I be mad at this?

No. He is so determined.

I love that about him. So ambitious.

 

//////////////

 

 

However, after a while…

I can start feeling neglected.

You know, the good wife that stays home,

watches the kiddos, home cooked meals,

clean house all the time, laundry always

done, etc.

 

What about me?

Right?

 

 

Marriage is always pretty flowers and rainbows.

There are a lot of thunderstorms and even

earthquakes in some.

Love will always be there, but the “in love” will

sometimes fade in and out. It’s our job, as husband

or wife to keep that spark of love going in the relationship.

For more tips go read, 7 ways to fall in love with your marriage again! 

 

 

This happens every now and then,

when I get in my moods.

I just want to feel appreciated.

Loved.

Remembered.

Important.

 

Most of the time, I bottle everything up.

THEN EXPLODE.

Poor guy.

This is wrong. We have to remember,

we all have bad days. We sometimes wake up

in those horrible moods. That is okay!

We are not meant to feel happy 24/7 and

365 days out the year. What type of life is that?

3 things to always remember when having 

a bad day!

 

 

However, this time around,

I stopped myself from exploding.

 

 

My meditation was coming to shine some light.

Consciously I stopped myself from exploding because

I knew I was getting in my moods again.

I was already aware that he had a lot of business things going on.

So I already knew where his head was at.

 

I’ve tried with conscious effort to

practice what I preach because I have

tapped into our inner power that I know exist.

So practicing the 12 ways to attract 

positivity into my life, has really helped

me in so many ways, on a daily.

 

//////////

 

 

So what I did instead was keep silent.

That’s right, I held my tongue.

I calmed myself.

And the most precious thing happened.

I observed him.

I payed attention to him.

In a time where I would’ve picked a fight.

Or let him know that he’s putting me

in the back burner again.

 

 

What I realized changed everything for me.

It was weird because I already knew this.

But his mind was really somewhere else.

 

I watched his every move from a distance.

Listened to his phone calls. Making big

business moves.

Trying to figure things out.

 

Can you imagine if I placed a bomb on his lap

to add to his frustrations?

Over nothing?

Over something I get over in a few days.

over being in my feelings.

 

 

So what I did instead is let him have his space.

Ask him if he needs me to do anything for him.

Gave him one of those meaningful hugs.

Not that the other hugs aren’t meaningful.

But you know what I mean.

When you hold on tight just a little longer.

A hug of… “I understand and I support you” type of hug.

 

////////////

 

That silence gave me a different perspective.

It allowed me to take a step back.

Look around and

feel him. 

 

 

No I’m not talking physically.

I’m talking vibes.

I felt his stress, his nervousness, anxiety, excitement.

He was so determined.

It was a great experience for me.

 

 

 

//////////

 

 

Now am I saying to keep your emotions

bottled up all the time?

Or just be this amazing superwoman and

not tell him how you feel?

Absolutely not! 

 

If you feel a certain way, I always stand

firm on letting them know right then

and there. How can anything get better

if they don’t know? Remember, we are dealing

with men. They don’t understand our silent

treatment or short answers.

 

 

But what I am saying to all the woman who

do speak up and out.

Try something different.

Instead of blowing up, pay attention.

Ask yourself if it’s something blowing

up about?

 

If you know he loves you.

You believe that he’s not cheating on you.

And you for sure know that he has major things going

on in his life at the moment.

 

Is it truly worth it?

Do you want your feelings acknowledged or

would you like to be an amazing wife that he needs?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

About The Author

Stephanie Coto

Life is whatever you want it to be. First you need to change the way you think. My name is Stephanie. I’m a mother and women who want to inspire other queens out there.

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