Getting engaged should be one of the happiest moments in your life. When the man you love asks you to marry him. Spend the rest of your days with his, the man you admire! What a wonderful feeling.
Making that commitment is a serious step to take in your life.
A start in your life where you combine with another soul and mind. That’ tough, yet so beautiful! Learning how to speak each others language was the tough part I was speaking about. Becoming one, means to be on the same page. Maybe not all the time, but most of the time. Especially when it comes to serious issues in life, like children? That’s pretty important.
You can love a man so much and want to spend the rest of your life with him, but then you find out that his goal is to work aboard. That’s the total opposite of what you had planned. Views on how to raise children, a small yet a big discussion like spanking or absolutely no spanking. Serious conversations like this one need to happen before getting engaged, or even during the engagement but definitely before marriage.
10 Conversations You Should Have Before Getting Engaged!
This is probably a well-known topic before marriage. “What about kids?” A woman who wants children and a man who does not, does not have a promising future.
2. Raising the children
This is the not so obvious topic to talk about. Most people end the conversation with how many children they want because it’s confirming that it’s a yes to the question. However, raising children should be an even greater conversation. Learning about your spouses childhood and their parents is the greatest insight! By learning this, it will give you a clue on what your spouse thinks is normal, right or wrong. Parenting is a big area where couples can bump heads. There are many arguments and disagreements with how their child should be raised.
One can believe in yelling because it’s normal to them, while the other forbids it. One may believe in whooping like they did back in the day while the other spouse believes in time out. As you can see, this is where many parents bump heads. Talking about this sooner rather than later and finding a “in the middle” solution can save future arguments.
Although you know of this within the first month of dating. It’s important to take this a step further. Get a deeper, more spiritual connection this way. When it comes to this topic, there are no right or wrong answers. A persons belief, is just that another persons belief. Come into this conversation with an open mind.
4. Man/Woman Roles
Roles, what is roles? This is not the 50’s anymore where the husband goes out to provide while the wife stays home with the children all day, cooking and cleaning. Times have definitely changed. Now woman need to work to make ends meet! How bizarre is that? However, there are men out there that have that mentality. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not a bad thing, far from it! You can see it as a privilege or curse, there are many perceptions to it. But I know some woman wouldn’t like to stay home all day, everyday. There is woman who would love to contribute to the house financially, too. Even discussing duties and chores around the house is a great insight with how your future together looks like on a daily.
5. Financial Goals
Money can be a subject that many people don’t talk about or even avoid all together. Although this may work for many couples, it is very important to discuss this during your engagement. Remember, marriage is a uniting commitment, physically, spiritually and even financially. Once married, many things change financially, like insurance, bills, combined bank accounts. Getting on the same page with one another about finances can be one of the biggest relievers there is.
Discussing expectations, goals, habits and even retirement is a great way to start off a life together, on the same page.
6. Future Goals
This almost ties in to financial goals, but not really. The reason why it ties in to finance is because if your goal is to travel and see the world, or have an amazing house or car, you obviously need money for that. You need to financially prepare and plan to make it all happen.
Most importantly, talking about each others goals and desires is a great insight to learn how to love each other more. For example, my fiancé is a poker player. He’s always wanted to go to the World Poker Series in Vegas during the Sumer. To enter the game, it’s a $10,000 buy in. Clearly, something to save and plan for. But what an amazing birthday or anniversary gift one day, huh?
7. Views On Marriage
Marriage and the meaning has changed over the past decades. Back then, marriage was so sacred that divorce wasn’t even considered as an option. Today, that has clearly changed with a 50% divorce rate. With that being said, what does your spouse see in a marriage? What is their definition of marriage? Do you or your spouse see it as just a “thing” to do when you are in love? What will make your spouse tap out? For example, marriage is very sacred and important to me. I would do whatever it takes to make it work when it falls out. However, I would never tolerate abuse or infidelity. These two are my tap out.
8. Ideal Wife/Husband
Before I start, I have to say this one works both ways. There is always room for improvements, on both sides! What do you picture your future husband doing for you that will make you happy? It can be the smallest thing, like rubbing your feet at night. For him, it can be the bond between you and his mother or the amazing cookies and cake you bake from time to time. These small acts of love need practice and not to be forgotten with time.
This can be one of the most important ones. Let me explain why, sex is a way to show your love nd intimacy. Some, not all, but some people’s “love language” is physical touch. If you can’t provide this for that individual, many problems start arising. Not to mention the most infamous reason why many spouses cheat on their wife or husband, because they simply do not meet their needs, they feel unloved and unimportant because of it. Of course, after time, the person becomes irritated and this is where disagreements become arguments that turn into fights.
Before the children and family, before all the job promotions and responsibilities come into the picture, it’s great to establish a bond, a relationship and most importantly a communication that secures everything in place. Creating a bond so tight that even when children come to change everything, it’s not changing a thing!
Everyone needs something from their significant spouse to make them feel secured with the relationship. What is yours? What is your wife or husbands? Security is almost like a big force field around your relationship. You know, without a doubt, that no one or nothing can come destroy what you have built. This is a security blanket, an emotional security. This is critical, you want to make sure you strive for this everyday for the rest of your life! Love, love and love even harder when times get rough. It’s all about communication and building.
What is your definition of marriage? What are some topics you wish you would’ve discussed before getting married?