To argue or not to argue. That’s a question we all should start asking ourselves. There are some things that are just not worth it. It’s not worth the anger, the stress or the hurt feelings. Disagreements are going to happen, there’s not a relationship out there that does not disagree from time to time, for some, way more than others. But it’s okay.
Realistically, you can’t avoid arguing. I mean, I guess you can but it wouldn’t be healthy. You are either going to let people run all over you, not be happy because you are not standing up for yourself or feel numb, almost like a robot. So arguing is healthy. BUT to a certain extent. To argue everyday or over nothing can become stressful, but you already knew that.
Don’t stress over things you can’t control. Like disagreeing and arguing. But you can control,
- what you argue about
- how far you take the argument
- how angry you get
- if it’s even worth arguing
Not saying that you’re arguing all the time. But, you’re here, which means you were curious as to how your arguments can be better or if there is something you can do to limit the arguments. I’m with you! I am the one who wrote this post.
***This is also a great opportunity to sign up for a FREE 7 week course to rebuild, love and enjoy your marriage again. One lesson to practice per week. Before you know it, you start figuring out your WHY to the relationship and start to fall in love all over again. SUBSCRIBE on the side bar or the bottom of this post! ENJOY!
10 AMAZING Ways To
Argue With Your Spouse!
Remember who you’re fighting with.
This may not relate to everyone, but some. With a lot of pain, anger, resentment and of course time, one can start forgetting who they’re speaking to. You say things that really dig a knife into the heart. You may not mean it, or sometimes you. The point is, that is your significant other and there should always be a sense of respect for one another. If that respect is gone, then it’s not healthy to be in that relationship anymore.
If it’s something worth fighting for, then stand your ground.
There are arguments that will arise that you just can’t back down from! This should be very rare, but it does happen. This is a tough one, because not everything you think is important, is worth fighting for. When it comes to changing something about yourself or something as serious as this, stand your ground!
Don’t talk over each other
We use to do this all the time. We would both get so hot-headed, we would talk and yell over each other. This is not effective! It only makes things so much worse. They’re not listening to you and you are not hearing them out either. This only intensifies the argument with more yelling and anger. Take a breather. Let them explain their point of view without interrupting and watch how different it will go.
Calmly explain from the beginning
Do you catch yourself being all over the place with your argument. You’re confusing yourself and your spouse! Sometimes, even making things worse because of the misunderstandings. Taking a deep breath in and remembering that this disagreement, soon to be argument, can be avoided by taking a deep breath in and explaining from the very beginning. Don’t get to ahead of yourself, walk them step by step.
Not everyone processes information like you do
This is a continuation from above. Most of us have taken a personality or learning test while in school or even work. It basically tells you what personality you are, how you learn and so on. For example, if someone comes in and says, I need everyone to build a treehouse. Some will say, “with what tools?” others will ask, “why?” while others will ask “when do you need it by?” I said that to say this, people process information differently from the next. Always keep this in mind while arguing or trying to get your point across.
Let’s agree to disagree
Not every disagreement will be solved. It’s okay to not end up agreeing about everything. That’s not reality. Learning how to agree to disagree will take you a lot further! Actually, that’s probably where a lot of married men got this phrase from, “yes hunny, whatever you say sweetheart. Happy wife, happy life.” He has learned how to agree to disagree. HAHA! I am only kidding. There are plenty of things, I just blow off that I wouldn’t before. It has saved me so much stress. Looking back on it now, I was so silly to even entertain some things.
Nothing is that serious to leave or go to sleep angry
You would be devastated. You would be so angry with yourself for many years. You will then realize that nothing was that serious for you not to give a kiss and an “I love you” before they leave. This can be hard for people who hold grudges. But learning how to love your spouse unconditionally, means to love them over your pride. This will take practice, but the best way to swallow that pride is to remind yourself how much you love them and how you simply can’t see life without them. Swallow that pill and apologize.
Don’t vent to mom or Facebook
The younger generation does this the most. Yes, Facebook is to connect and express your opinions and thoughts. However, there are certain things you should keep private. You don’t want other people in your business about how your intimate life is going. Not to mention, you make your spouse look like such a bad person to other people. Then when it comes time to making up, you forgave your spouse but your followers on Facebook still view him as this horrible person you posted about. Two things happen here, you make your spouse look bad and second, you look dumb for being with a person you complain about.
Your mom is a different story. It’s what I said above, times ten! Plus there is not another person on this Earth that loves and protects you as much as your mother. Telling your mother what happens behind closed doors, can be a bad decision. Especially if it’s over petty things. Find yourself a friend or a journal and express it that way.
This is almost like not talking over each other. However, this is simply about not yelling. Keeping your voice at one level. An inside normal conversation type level. When you raise your voice to get your point across, it can only make things worse. Or it can be uncalled for. Either or, it’s not worth escalating the problem. Becoming aware as you’re arguing is a great start to make a change.
Value your relationship more than your pride. Learn to apologize, right or wrong, learn this skill. It will take your relationship and your love so much further! Love is also surrender. Learning how or when to put the sword and shield down and making up is one key to a lasting relationship.